Thursday, February 25, 2010


Sometimes, the direction your life is taking and the direction you would actually like it to take are two very, very different things. But sometimes, you don't even notice. At first. you think that what you are doing is "just a step in the process," part of getting to where you want to be. But then, those things you're doing to "get by" or "until..." actually become, well, it. I've been thinking about this a lot becuase, frankly, I hate my job. Most of you probably already knew that. But it feels good to write it out. I'm not in a field I ever dreamed I would be in. I'm not doing something I'm passionate about or even find interesting. I'm good at what I do, but that doesn't mean I actually enjoy it. I planned to do this job for a few years until P graduated and got a good job. Then we wouldn't need the money I'm bringing in as much, and I could focus on something that I want to do. But the longer I stay here, the more dissatisfied I become. It doesn't seem right. I have a great work environment, great benefits, wonderful coworkers. I love my boss, I get to see my dad every day at work, and my pay is not too shabby (not too great, either). I live about 5 minutes from work and get to go home and play with my puppy every day for lunch. I feel crazy for ever wanting to leave. But every morning it gets harder and harder to roll out of bed, and I can no longer deny that this job is the reason. I just don't want to be here. I feel myself settling into this place, becoming a solidified part of my office chair, a permanent landmark in the office scenery. This is actually becoming my career, and for some reason that thought really bothers me. Part of my discontent is, I'm sure, just plain wrong. I need to be happy in my life no matter where I am. I should be content and happy knowing that I can glorify God wherever I am and whatever I do. But sometimes, that knowledge just doesn't feel like enough. I want to do something fun and creative. I want to work with beautiful things. I want glamour and fashion and color.
In order to work all these thoughts out and convince myself that I'm not just stagnating here, I've been working on a list of goals. Small or big, I think its important to have something to work towards. Many of my goals are so dependent on finances or other people, that I get frustrated, knowing that I can't accomplish them on my own or in my own time. So here is a short list of goals I've come up with for myself, in no particular order.

  • Start an Etsy shop to sell some of my crafts
  • Finish making all of my half finished or even never-begun crafts
  • Take a course and get certified as an interior decorator
  • Finish painting and decorating my house
  • Run a marathon
  • Cook healthier meals, and cook them more often
  • Master my temper. Become more in love and show it, no matter what
  • Learn to speak at least some Spanish
  • Paint and draw pictures again
  • Make friends with someone outside my normal social circle, preferably with a stranger
  • Take a class, or join an indoor soccer team, or a book club, bascially a new activity on my own, without friends or family there - get outside my comfort zone
  • Practice the piano so that I can read music and play a song again
  • Read my Bible every single day, no matter what
  • Send packages and snail mail to my friends, especially the ones in other states/countries
  • Become a better blogger and grow my readership - gain a follower I don't know in real life
Hopefully I'll be able to use this list to focus myself and find more motivation to go somewhere I actually want to be. Please feel free to help me stay focused and remind me if I'm getting off track. And I challenge you to make your own list of goals, big or small, and follow through with as many as possible.


  1. I think you SHOULD take a course on interior decoration and design. Not only would it be uber-cool, but you might even be able to get a job doing it, part time or full time. And you should do it now, while Phillip's still in school and you don't have kids. It would be awesome! I bet they have a class at CNM...Robert says the vocational classes are often free!

  2. Great post. :) I enjoyed reading it. I'm gonna make some goals myself.