"Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on."
(excerpt from Phillipians 3:13-14)
I am striving and straining to just keep moving forward, even when things seem to pull me back. Even when my heart isn't ready. Even when I'm terrified of the future. And I am very scared. Because the future, aside from being unknown, contains some changes that I'm not prepared to meet. And yet the future, for as far as I can see, remains exactly the same in so many painful ways. How do I press on in hope and courage when I'm exhausted and weak and overwhelmed? When I see a new challenge facing me squarely, coming closer every day, and I'm still carrying the weight of my other trials? How do I keep climbing as the road gets steeper every day?
Sometimes forward is the only way through.
And as I look forward in anxious anticipation at the road ahead, at the steepness and rocks and troubles that seem to surround me, I comfort myself that at any moment there may be a lull, a break, a valley of flowers and rest. But if I don't keep pressing forward, I will never get to the place where I can finally enjoy the view.
It's a hard and an annoyingly long road... especially because you don't know when or how it will end. It will, though, end in that beautiful mountaintop view. There will one day be no more soul-crushing baby-longing weight sitting on your chest. And you will be free. (Painfully sleep deprived, but free!) ;)
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