Wednesday, December 12, 2012

{to find beauty}

I don't really know what happened. Yesterday just kind of all went...wrong. There was nothing very definite(except for a sprained ankle), but by 6:40 pm, when we were driving (late) into the church parking lot to help with youth group, I started crying uncontrollably. I breathed in and out, in and out, deeply, desperately trying to get it together so I could go inside to love and encourage the middle school kids. And when Phillip asked me what was wrong, while I wiped snot and tears off my face with the least obvious corner of my sweater, I choked out: "I just don't know."
And I don't.
And sometimes, that's OK. Sometimes, we just have to look past the painful, confusing feelings to find the beauty in our ugly days. Like the sweet, understanding words of a friend. The eagerness and joy with which children anticipate Christmas. Warm soup on a cold night and leaving the dishes for the morning.
Today, too, I am trying to take solace in the little things: sleeping in, putting a little cocoa in my morning cup of coffee, wrapping presents and calling my mom.
I'm making it a game for myself. If I can find more beauty than ugliness in each day, then I win.
And I am very competitive. 


  1. Aw, I'm sorry you had a rotten, raw day. I hate that. But those little things... they do help if you remember to pay attention to them!