Friday, December 31, 2010

Diary of an Unwilling Air Force Wife: Change

For New Years, I meant to write a post about how I am doing on my list of goals, but this is what came out instead:
I have thought about this quote for days on end, trying to decide if I really agree. I mean, some pain is NOT good.  If you injure your knee in a soccer game, the pain is telling you to stop. Should you ignore that voice of pain in your head, you may indeed change yourself - you may damage your knee forever. But in a more abstract way, change brings pain to everyone in some way. It is painful sometimes to step outside your comfort zone and make a stranger feel welcome. It is painful to get up earlier to exercise or pray. It is painful to let go of your own desires in order to honor the needs of your spouse. But any of these painful prospects will produce change, and the results will be good.
In the words of the Dread Pirate Roberts:
 "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
So I've done some math (be impressed):
Life = Pain
Pain = Change
Change = Life
If we do not ever change, can we actually say that we are truly alive? If a tree does not grow, is it actually living? 
I have been struggling with this idea of change for some time. The Air Force has changed my entire way of life. My marriage has changed drastically, my home has changed, my job has changed, my attitude has changed (many times), and my family has all changed. These last six months have been so full of change, that my entire outlook on life has changed.
"What are you going to do in the spring?" I am asked constantly. "What are you doing when Phillip graduates from Basic?"
I have to admit that I do not know. I am not even able to look forward past the day that I will see Phillip again. I do not have even an inkling of what is in store for us. I don't know where we're moving, or when we're moving, or how we're moving. I don't even know where I will live after January 10. 
And it is good.
I have learned that, if I make plans that are then broken, I get angry and hurt. I know myself enough to know that I do not normally like change. As you can see, I equate it with pain. So I have had to stop trying. I have forced myself to stop planning and start trusting.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declare the LORD. "Plans to proper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
So for New Years, I am not making any resolutions. I'm not making any plans to change myself. God has the plans all laid out, and I know He will continue to change me. And I am greatly comforted to know that His plans are good. 
In the face of so much uncertainty and change, I am greatly comforted by this promise: 
"I the LORD do not change." 
Malachi 3:6
Have a blessed New Year!


  1. Wow. Thank you for sharing. It is very thought provoking. I am tucking this away for God to pull out again when I need to hear it... :D

  2. I love you sis! I think you've had an amazing attitude through this whole thing (and yes I know a lot of that is good) and even though I selfishly don't want things to change - by you moving away - I know God will use it for good in both our lives.
    And PS, I'm sorry about the fabric. ;-) Will you ever forgive me or is it just going to rankle forever?

  3. I meant to type "and a lot of the time I know that is GOD" - as in HE gets the credit! haha slip of the fingers there...

  4. I just signed up to follow your blog. Ashley was at our house the other night and she mentioned I should read your blog, but I couldn't remember the name of it. I am glad you left me a message on my blog so I could find you! I am looking forward to read your wonderful blog!

    Have a Blessed New Year!