Tuesday, April 13, 2010

WARNING: this post is long and contains much TMI!

No, really. If you are a man (or woman, really) and don't want to know about the evils of girls' bodily functions, please step away from your computer. Go read a blog post about sports, or computers, or Star Trek. Come back tomorrow. You won't have missed anything you ever needed to know. Consider yourselves warned.

Anyway, some of you may already know about Bikram's  yoga. I know about it because I have several friends who like it. One of them is even an instructor. So anyway, Bikram's is this terribly intense kind of yoga, where you go in a room that's heated to 105* for 90 minutes and do a ton of strictly planned out yoga. Its supposed to be super good for you, or something like that.

So anyway, I like to consider myself an athlete. I've been playing soccer since I was 5 years old. I've also played basketball, am not too shabby at football, and am a reasonably fast runner.  I've taken yoga classes before and have done lots of your average excercise/fitness dealios in the comfort of my own living room. Not to mention hiking, biking, camping, water skiing, regular skiing. So anyway, you get the picture, I'm a tough, sporty girl. At least sometimes.

So my friends have been talking about this Bikram's thing, and saying how great it is, and how I should come with them sometime to give it a try. And I, being the big tough sports girl I am, was like, oh sure, sounds SO fun, I totally will. And I thought I meant it. But deep down in me, there was this little place that was thinking holy hell, 105* and humid? you do yoga while every pore of your body drips sweat? for an hour and a half?? this does not sound comfortable. But I'm tough. I'm in shape. I could take it.

Needless to say, on Friday my friend Laura (who really is tough and is pretty much in amazing shape after just having a baby a few months ago) offered me a free class at Bikram's on Saturday morning. She asked me to go with her, and I said sure! Why not? Its about time I give this thing a try. I like healthy stuff. I like being fit. I will go.

And on Saturday morning, as I rolled out of bed at 8:58 in order to meet Laura at the yoga studio by 9:15(did I mention I'm an early bird as well?), I wandered into the bathroom to discover that my dear Aunt Flo had come to visit. That's right. The Crimson Tide was rolling in. I started my period. Now, at least 2/3 of my very devoted readership is female, so I'm sure you can all relate to the warm and unpleasant gush, the instant cramping and throbbing and sheer misery in your nether regions, the nearly irresistible urge to crawl back into bed for the next, oh, 7 days. But I didn't. Because I'm tough, remember? I decided that hot yoga could only help my cramps. Besides, they weren't too bad. Yet.

I met Laura at the yoga studio. I signed up and signed in and signed a release form. I listened to the teacher tell me all about the heat, what to do if I felt dizzy, etc etc. "The important thing," she said, "is to manage to stay in the room the whole time. You don't want to leave and then come back. Just try to stick it out in there, and if you need to, sit down." All my friends have mentioned that noobs often sit down for like half the class. But I'm tough. I will be able to do at least most of the poses.

I made it all the way through the warm up without feeling bad at all. Although I was in fact sweating from every single pore of my body. That's right. I did the whole entire warm up, all the way through. All 15 minutes of flapping my elbows and leaning my head backwards and forwards. All that intense standing up and breathing in and out. Man, I was good. And I even made it though another 5 minutes of leaning over sideways. And then I started to feel a little tired, a little too hot, and a little lightheaded. I sat down. And then my cramps decided that they love hot yoga too.

I sat there for another 20 minutes. I even stood up during a few of those minutes and tried to do a few other twisty moves. (By the way, I also have no balance) I kept telling myself that the heat would help my cramps if I just kept moving. But for some reason, the evil little demon of Bikram's yoga kept punching me in the gut. He didn't want me to be cleansed of toxins. He didn't want me to be in shape and flexible. He wanted me to leave his hot room and never come back, becuase I'm just not as tough as I seem. I'm pretty sure that's what he was whispering in my ear as I grabbed up my mat and towel (oh yeah, you sweat that much!) and ran out of the room during a water break. I made it about 45 whole minutes. Half the class. Lame.

So to wrap it all up, I dragged my soaking wet self home. I took a nice long shower and 800mg of Ibuprofen. I went back to bed. I read a cheezy Christian romance novel. And napped. And I loved every minute of it. My hat goes off to you, Laura, Shannon, and Kristin, my awesome Bikram's friends. You guys are truly tough. And maybe, someday, when Aunt Flo and the Crimson Tide are far, far away, I'll come back and try it again. But for now I'm just too much of a wuss its just too expensive. Besides, I really prefer jogging anyway.


  1. 44 minutes longer than i would have lasted, and 30 seconds of that minute would have been sitting down. I'm all Marshmallow.

  2. Haha. So funny! I told Amy about Bikrams and how now I felt bad because the heat over here shouldn't be an excuse to not exercise. So we've tried to make the most of our 105 degree living room by exercising. It just isn't worth it. :)

  3. hahaha! oh Dani... i love how your narrated this story. bikrim's is intense. i tried it once... i sat through the whole class... and by that i mean i made it through the warm up and then litterally.sat.through.the.rest.of.the.class.

  4. AH you are all making me feel so much better! I seriously felt like a major wimp, but I guess I don't mind if you will all keep my company!